What if Mecha reprogrammed RK?
by Emishala
Summary: My first fic to FF.net . This is just a silly story about a time when Mecha reprogrammed RK, as stated in the title. I don't usually write humour fics, so it isn't all that funny, but it is decent on it's own, I guess. Rated PG for mild violence.


This is just legal stuff here, to make sure I'm not grilled.

Okay, all characters are © Sega.

This story is © Emishala, 2004.

What if Mecha reprogrammed RK?

Metal Sonic. Otherwise known as Mecha, he is a powerful robot designed after a blue hedgehog, and is capable of many things. Created by Doctor Robotnik, he spends his life in want of killing his ultimate opponent; Sonic.

Robo Knuckles, occasionally called Robo Knux, or RK. A brother and a rival to Mecha, he is very powerful, and a copy of the Floating Island's guardian. His razor sharp claws protruding from his hands are enough to scare any foe away. Not that he would like that, as RK does not back down from a fight.

Both these robots are built for combat and assassination. But…were they built for their brains? Although if they had been organic creatures they would have a high IQ, the two of them are not all that smart. They have great logic and common sense, so what is it that makes them so dim?

Metal Sonic strode down the empty streets of Robotropolis. His metal feet scraped the ground as he walked, creating an echo rumbling between the ruined buildings around him. He had been sent to capture someone who had been prowling around the area. Mecha hoped at the bottom of his hull that it would be Sonic, and that he could finally rid himself of the menace.

He scanned the area, hoping to get a signal from whoever or whatever it was skulking around. He saw a heat sign on his radar and almost immediately he turned to its direction. Something had definitely moved, his sensors picked it up. But it had not only moved, but it had moved fast. Sonic.

Mecha fired up his jets and took off to the night sky. The moon shone off of his blue metallic hull, and the fires behind him made him look menacing as he drew out his claws, ready to rip to shreds the hedgehog of whom he hated so much.

Sonic darted about here and there, knowing he had been spotted. There was no point hiding any more; his fun was over. Or was it? He smirked as he sped up, knowing Mecha would follow. He run as fast as he could across Robotropolis, jeering and poking fun at his metallic counterpart.

RK watched the events from the top of a building. Sonic was dancing across the streets of Robotropolis, usually backwards so he could taunt Mecha, and in return Mecha would get angrier and angrier, more determined to kill the blue annoyance. This humoured RK. Yes, he too wanted to kill Sonic, but he did not hate him. Or at least, not in the same respects as Mecha did.

"The fool will never catch that hedgehog," he said to himself coolly. "Perhaps I should help him out…then destroy that hedgehog myself. That would anger that metal maniac more than ever."

Firing up the jets in his dreadlocks, RK took off to the sky, ready to approach and kill Sonic.

Mecha blasted across the night sky, a trail of smoke and repeated sonic booms following him as he went. His red crescent eyes glowed with such ferocity that the blackness around it was no more. Even Sonic was a little fearful because of the ferocity of the robot, but he shown no sign and continued his onslaught of insults.

"Yo Mecha! When you were being made, did Robotnik forget to install a brain?" Sonic laughed. Mecha only threw himself towards the hedgehog faster. In response Sonic taunted him some more:

"You know, I bake cupcakes in your mother."

What was that supposed to mean? The hedgehog did not make much sense, but it was an insult none the less, and he would pay for it.

"Prepare to die, hedgehog."

"Oh Mecha, your corny villain dialogue is so cliché. It's doing my brains in."

"Negative, hedgehog. You have no brain."

"Ah, now that's more like it! I have no brain, thanks! Of course, you were patterned after me, so I guess it follows suit."

How dare he! He was greater than him! How dare he mock his intelligence!

Mecha thrust himself forwards, claws outstretched. This rapid burst of speed surprised Sonic, and knocked him off of his feet. Helpless, Sonic lay on the ground, watching the towering metal hazard shadow over him, casting a small light from his red eyes.

"Goodbye, blue hedgehog." Mecha raised his arm and brought it down sharply to Sonic. Sonic could only flinch and hold his breath, curling up into a ball. He felt the strike of Mecha's claws, and the cold chill of his own blood seeping out of his back. But he felt no pain, as he had far too much adrenalin being pumped through his body. Mecha raised his other arm and swiped the hedgehog, punching another few holes into his body. The damage was not critical, but Mecha was vicious. He wanted Sonic to die a painful, agonising death. Another few holes here and there would reassure that.

"Metal!"

Mecha froze and turned round, watching as RK dropped from the sky and marched right up to him.

"Ah, you've finally caught the little beggar."

"Yes, and now I am going to kill him, so if you don't mind…"

"You know your problem Mecha? You're too obvious."

"What do you mean obvious?"

While the two robots argued, Sonic saw his chance and started to crawl away.

"Well, for one you _always_ chase Sonic."

"Yes. You would too."

"But I don't. And let me guess, you want him to die a slow, painful death, right?"

"What is it to you?"

"So you were. Good old predictable Mecha."

"If you're not careful, I'll make sure Master Robotnik takes you apart and sells you for scraps."

"Oh what's that? 'Master Robotnik'? Hah! You're as bad as the SWATs!"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Of course you don't. You're not programmed to think. You're a SWAT-BOT."

"Take that back."

"Or else?"

"Just take it back."

"Why?"

"Otherwise I'll reach into your hull and rip out your internet connection."

"You call _that_ a threat?"

"It is more than you can do."

"Oh look, I'm really quaking in my boots."

"You're being sarcastic. Stop it."

"Or else?"

"Don't go into that again!"

Sonic walked up to the edge of a building, above where the robots were fighting. True, he wanted to get out of this place, and recover from his battle scars. But this argument was too hilarious to walk away from.

"Or you'll do what? Make me die a slow, painful death like your captive there?" RK pointed to the body of Sonic. But wait…what body? There was nothing there. "Uh…yoo-hoo, Sonic. Come out come out wherever you are."

"What do you mean?" Mecha demanded. RK only pointed to an empty bloodstained space on the floor, indicating what he had found, or in this case, not found.

This was all too much for the hedgehog. Sonic could not hold his laughter in any more and burst out laughing, falling off of the building and onto the floor, in the view of the two bickering robots.

"Sorry to laugh and run guys but…" Sonic started, before speeding off.

"No! Get back here, you miserable piece of organic trash!"

RK only made a robotic sigh. He was a little disappointed that he and Metal Sonic had not come to blows. It was fun to fight with Mecha, as he was a worthy opponent. He then saw the bloodstains on the floor. At least Mecha had got him this time. Then he had a thought. Mecha would never be able to catch Sonic now; the hedgehog would never give him a chance. But perhaps RK could trick Mecha into thinking that Sonic was dead. He could continue with his plan after all, without actually killing the cobalt annoyance. He scraped his claws against the ground, picking up a few blood stains. This would be his 'proof' that he had rammed his claws through Sonic, and now the hedgehog was dead. Mecha would be so ticked off if his prey was killed by his rival. The more RK thought about this deceptive idea, the more he liked it. And like it he certainly did.

Mecha returned, a dent in his metallic skull, and in his pride. He had missed killing Sonic and had lost track of him. He looked at the blood on his claws, sighing mechanically.

"At least I got him this time."

He continued across the hallways of the Robotropolis palace, head hanging low. He was beginning to doubt that he would ever catch that hedgehog. How he wanted to rip him apart. If only he hadn't wanted that slow, painful death, Sonic would be dead right now, and he would be rid of his hatred.

His eyes turned sharply to face the glittering evil of green. RK was leaning against a wall, looking as pleased as a robot could with a face of cold, emotionless steel.

"What is up with you, brother?"

"Brother? Oh well, it's true what they say. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family."

"Get to the point."

"My point is my claws."

"Yes. They are sharp, and I envy that. But my own claws are good."

"What are you gabbing on about this time?"

"More to the point, what are _you_ on about?"

"I'm just a little pleased with one of my efforts. Something in which you failed with."

"You passed the hovercraft exam at last? It's taken you long enough. And I already told you, I do not need a hovercraft to get around."

"No, not that! Man, Mecha…you are so dim!"

"I am brighter than you. I have one-hundred watts. You are a mere fifty watts."

"Mecha, quit it with this stupidity! You're doing this on purpose!"

"Only to annoy you. So, what have you really achieved?"

RK walked over to Mecha, placing one of his clawed hands in the hands of Mecha.

"DNA scan that."

"You have no DNA to scan."

"It's not mine. A certain foe of ours is dead, thanks to my efforts."

"Scanning."

Mecha took a sample piece of DNA from RK's claws and ran it through his databanks.

"You have killed Robotnik?"

Had RK been organic, he would have flustered.

"No…that was from a time I…"

"Bathroom service?" RK only nodded in response. "You have my pity."

Mecha continued to search his databanks when he came across something else that surprised him.

"You killed Miles Prower?"

"I killed Miles Prower? Uh…I don't think so…I haven't a clue how _that_ got there."

"No?"

"No!"

"Just making sure."

The scanning continued until Mecha found something else.

"No, it couldn't be Sonic. I have only just returned from…"

"But it is."

If it were not for the mechanical hum the two robots gave off, the room would be filled with silence.

"Ssssssssssonic…"

"Yes, Sonic."

Mecha shook his head, an organic emotion known as 'shock' coming over him.

"Ssssssssssonic…the hedgehog…"

"Is there any other Sonic we know of?"

Mecha would have stuttered if his mechanical voice were capable of it.

"It's not possible. I…"

"Metal Sonic, face the facts. Sonic the hedgehog is dead."

Without warning, Mecha struck RK hard across the chest. RK stumbled back slightly and laughed in response.

"What do you call _that_?" Mecha could only scowl in response.

"He was MY victim! How DARE you kill MY victim!"

"He's dead. Let-It-Go."

"NO!"

Mecha took multiple strikes at RK, the red robot laughing at his lame attempts.

"Blast…you…"

"Well, you should have killed him while you had the chance, instead of being your old predictable self and wanting him to die a long, painful and excruciating death."

"Stop it! Just stop it! You've pushed me to the edge Robo Knux, so it's about time I dealt with you."

"Dealt with me? How, exactly?"

Mecha lashed out at RK with all his strength, ripping open his hull. RK was surprised by this, but seeing as he could not feel pain, he remained unhurt. Mecha ripped out many wires from within the mainframe of the robot, but it was to no avail.

"If you're looking to turn me off, there's a switch just underneath the centre back dreadlock." Mecha's crimson eye-lights blinked in confusement.

"You're telling me this why?"

"I have no idea. You must have pulled out my sense of logic wire."

"…you have a sense of logic wire?"

"Perhaps."

"So the technology isn't built within your nano brain?"

"Oh shut up, you miserable piece of toast on cheese."

"Isn't that cheese on toast?"

"I don't have time to argue with you, Mittens!"

Mecha shook his head and reached for the 'off' switch. RK's eye-lights dimmed and faded out, his head hanging low. Mecha pushed the hulking robot to the floor with the tip of one of his claws, and RK crashed to the floor, making dust rise. He grabbed RK's wrists and wrenched him down the hallway. A SWAT-BOT asked him what he was doing as he continued to drag the robot with him, but Mecha simply replied that he was taking RK into maintenance.

The room was dark; solid black in colour. Though Mecha could use his radar fully well in dark conditions, he could not see the metal instruments around him of which he needed to use. Walking over to a light, he tripped over the fallen husk that had been RK. Mecha just lay there on the floor for a few seconds, one hand against his steel cheek, the other with its claws tapping the ground rhythmically. He slowly hoisted himself up again and switched on the light. Sharp tools lay strewn across the room, most of which were on the floor. No one had been here in a while, that was a certainty.

Mecha tossed the body of RK onto a large, metallic table. He switched him on for just a second, to see how much work needed to be done on him.

"Mama, why did you hit me with a baseball bat?"

"He's fine," Mecha announced, switching him back off again.

The blue robot worked for hours, taking apart various things on RK, putting them back again and inserting new things. There was only one thing more he needed to do before he switched RK back online.

He walked over to a table and picked up a small device. It looked like a microchip, and had a small switch with what looked like a speaker or microphone next to it. Mecha flipped the switch and started to speak into the device.

"You are a creature of darkness…" he altered. "no, let us not copy that. I would be breaching copyright laws."

He switched it off and sighed mechanically, then switched it back on again.

"RK. You have been tolerated long enough, and now it shall stop. You are to do what Master Robotnik requests, unless of course I say otherwise. You are now loyal to me. You are loyal to me, like a dog is to its human. That's right, RK; you are now what I would call my own pet dog. A slave who works without being paid."

He stopped again. He had made another mistake, but he was fed up with this. He shrugged and forced the chip through RK's head, and placed some metal plating over it, to cover it up. He moved his hand behind RK's centre dreadlock and switched the red robot back on.

The room around him was strange. He recognised it, yet he was unsure of it. His eyes searched round the brightness of the room until they set upon a blue, metallic creature.

"Welcome back to reality, RK."

These words were not understood by RK. But he shouldn't keep silent, as that would be rude. So he answered in the only way he knew how:

"Woof."

Robotnik was walking down the corridors of the palace, a bacon sandwich in his hands. It was not long before that sandwich 'vanished'. His plump belly jiggled about as he walked, bouncing from side to side. He pulled out a bar of chocolate from his pocket and unwrapped it. One would not expect the dictator to unwrap it so delicately and gently as he did, but it was as though unwrapping food and eating it was, in itself, an art.

The tyrant was then knocked off his feet by a speedy red pooch, barking as it galloped down the corridor.

"RK, stop!" Mecha shouted, as he followed the robot.

Robotnik snarled and picked himself up, noting that he had also dropped his chocolate bar. He bent down and reached to grab it, but had his hand immediately trampled by Mecha as he ran down the corridor in pursuit of RK. The portly man screeched and held his hand, hopping about madly as he seethed outwardly.

"Curse you…MECHA!"

RK scampered happily out into the streets of Robotropolis. He looked around, green eyes burning. He jumped for joy as he saw a lamppost in the distance. O all fours, he jogged up to it and lifted his left back leg.

Nothing happened.

RK looked back and whimpered, wondering why he could not urinate. His head perked up as he saw Mecha creeping towards him, in a threatening pose. But RK did not find it at all scary. He liked Mecha.

The next thing the blue robot knew was that RK was on top of him, trying to lick his face, but to no avail as he neither had a tongue or a mouth.

"RK, what in blazes are you doing?"

"Woof!"

"RK, stop that this second! Jeez, I would have thought that you would stop goofing around when I reprogrammed you." RK only twisted his head to the side in a vain attempt to understand what his 'master' was saying. Mecha could not understand what was wrong with the red robot. He had reprogrammed him to be loyal, but now he was acting like…like some kind of dog! This made no sense to him at all.

"If you act like a dog, I'll treat you like a dog." Mecha exclaimed to the 'puppy', fastening a collar around his neck. RK looked up at Mecha, his wavering eyes looking almost sad.

"Stop that, this is your own fault." RK whimpered and knelt down sadly. His bright green eyes continued to look up, but his head was down.

"Now," Mecha said, yanking the collar roughly, making RK yelp "walkies."

Robotnik stormed down the corridors of the palace, furious at being pushed to the ground earlier. He marched straight into Mecha's quarters and shouted at the blue robot.

"What was all that earlier?" he demanded.

RK felt the presence of danger and look up to the fat man, growling. He began barking viciously at Robotnik, and the dictator stumbled back.

"No, RK. Down boy."

RK continued to growl, but knelt by his 'master'. Robotnik questioned the actions of the red robot, but Mecha simply replied this:

"I think that he thinks he's a dog of some kind."

"Can't you reprogram him?"

"I already have. That's what made him this way."

"Well sort it, you idiot. Do you realise the costs it will take to refurbish furniture?"

"What do you mean?" Mecha inquired. Robotnik simply pointed to RK ripping apart a leather chair. "Oh."

"Yes. Oh." Robotnik knelt down to RK and patted him on the head. "But you have to admit, he is quite cute."

The made Mecha feel as sick as robots can go. He thought he was about to spit out oil. RK? _Cute_?

"Well, try to sort this problem as best you can. If you can't, we will have to destroy him."

"Well, in that case I don't think I'll bother."

"Instead I'll build a new Mecha-Bot, one to replace RK. Perhaps…a second Tails Doll?"

"Oh please sir, NO! That little freak was…a freak! We cannot have another one of _them_ running…uh, flying around!"

"Then reprogram RK."

Mecha watched Robotnik turn out and leave and was left thinking to himself. He had no choice. RK or Tails Doll. It was a blatant choice.

"Come on RK, it's time for another walk."

"Oh you should have been there Sal, it was brilliant!"

Sonic lay there relaying the events in Robotropolis as Sally wrapped the hedgehog up in bandages. Sonic winced slightly before continuing on with his story.

"They were at each others throats the whole time! They didn't even notice me!"

"You were lucky to get away with your life that time, Sonic," Sally warned him "next time they'll get you."

"They did this time, look!"

"Sonic," Tails said, his eyes bright from the tales he had been hearing, "do you think they're still arguing?"

"Not a doubt, little bro," Sonic answered cheerily, "'cause I got away. There's no way Mecha is going to let it go."

"This is all your fault, you know," Mecha scowled at RK, "if you hadn't have killed Ssssssssssonic then you would not be like this." RK only barked in response. Furious, Mecha swiped at him, striking his head. RK whimpered, his 'paws' over his head. Mecha tugged at the leash and RK was jerked forward, forced to walk again, his head down.

Tails stared out of the window, sighing. He was smiling as he remembered what Sonic had told him, but he only wished he could have seen it for himself. He looked out to the night sky, considering whether he should go check it out himself or not. Sonic was certain they were still arguing, and it must have been quite a laugh.

Tails suddenly dived down and reached his backpack, then ran into the kitchen, gathering bottled water into his bag. His mind was made up, he would see this little event for himself. It's not as though it could be dangerous with the two bickering all the time.

"Get off of me!"

Mecha pushed RK off of himself for the third time as the red robot tried to lick his face.

"If you don't stop soon, I'll have to start getting dangerous!"

Mecha inspected himself and found that due to RK pouncing on him and pushing him to the floor, he was now covered in scratches and had chipped paintwork everywhere.

"You miserable…thing! You're not even a robot anymore!"

Mecha shook his head as Robotnik walked by with a food unrecognisable to the human eye in his hands.

"Have you managed to reprogram him yet?"

"Does it look like it!" Mecha shouted, his fists clenched.

"How _dare_ you speak to me like that!" Mecha realised he had raised his voice to his master and immediately apologised.

"Sorry master, but RK is very frustrating." Robotnik agreed as RK started crawling around behind him. The 'robot dog' started sniffing the rear end of Robotnik, but instantaneously pulled back, whimpering.

"What is his problem?"

"I do believe he dislikes the smell, sir."

"But…that's impossible! He doesn't even _have_ a sense of smell."

Mecha stood upright as his sensors picked something up. RK sensed something as well, but being a 'dog', all he could do in response was bark.

Tails flew across the skies of Robotropolis, pulling out a bottle of water, taking a sip out of it as he went. He had been flying all night and was exhausted, but he could finally see his targets: RK and Mecha. But they were looking up at him. He had been spotted already.

Mecha fired up his jets and flew after Tails, still holding onto the leash attached to RK. RK gave a yelp and was hoisted up into the air with Mecha as he tried to capture the flying fox.

"Fly RK, for crying out loud!"

Infuriated, Mecha grabbed hold of RK and threw him straight at Tails. In a lame attempt to defend himself, Tails threw the water bottle he was holding at Mecha. The water doused the flames in Mecha's jets, and he could not start them up again. But Tails too was left unable to fly, as RK pushed him to the ground.

Tails landed with a thud, his shoulders bleeding as the claws of RK were digging into him. He started to cry as he looked up to the fearsome eyes of RK, knowing he was about to die.

"Please don't kill me." Tails pleaded, his tears streaming down his face. RK continued to leer at the fox, and replied to him in one word:

"Woof."

Tails stopped crying and looked up at RK. Mecha walked over, dents in his metal from the fall.

"He thinks he's a dog," the robot put very simply.

Tails blinked, smiled, and began to laugh.

"A dog? RK thinks he's a dog?" RK barked in response.

"Yes, and I need to reprogram him."

"Would you want to? It's hilarious!"

"It's annoying. Besides, if he cannot be reprogrammed, he will be destroyed." Tails beamed.

"No more RK? Yes!"

"I share your thoughts, but there is a downside to it."

"A downside to RK getting demolished? Not likely."

"You can build and reprogram robots, can't you, Miles?"

"Call me Tails--"

"No, only your friends call you Tails. I am not your friend, I will stick to calling you Miles."

"Okay then."

"So, can you help me?"

"No, I will _never_ work for you!"

"If RK gets destroyed, Robotnik will reintroduce the Tails Doll to replace him."

"…get me some tools and I'll start right away."

"Spanner," Tails asked, holding out his hand to Mecha. Mecha handed a spanner to him, repeating it.

"Screwdriver," again, Mecha handed over the instrument, repeating the word.

"Fried egg."

Mecha made no reply.

"There we go, that should do it," Tails said, standing back. Oil and grease covered him, but he wore a huge grin, laughing at the mess he had made. He had deprogrammed the insane notion that he thought he was a dog, simply by removing the chip Mecha had installed. However, he had messed around with RK as he wanted to make him look like an idiot. RK was also covered in oil and grease, but was also covered in ribbons, flowers and had pretty floral patterns painted on his hull.

Mecha walked over to RK, quite pleased with what Tails had done. It had been Mecha's suggestion though. He flipped the switch at the back of RK on and his green eye-lights flickered on, scanning the room.

"Go, before he decides to kill you." Tails implied and walked off, trying to keep his laughter down.

"Hello, RK."

"Mecha?"

"Yes?"

"What is going on?"

"You were attacked by Freedom fighters. I saved you."

"You saved me? Pah!"

"Then why are you still here?" RK gave no reply.

Tails walked out of the building, aware of the presence of cameras and SWAT-BOTS everywhere. He was about to fly off when he heard what sounded like a robotic scream.

"I guess RK has looked in a mirror," he chortled. The young fox twisted together his two tails and flew off to tell Sonic the tale of RK being reprogrammed by Mecha, and how it all went wrong.

"Sonic thought two robots arguing was funny. Wait until he hears this."


End file.
